Sexy Is as Sexy Feels

                       

I did a shoot recently for the Big Tights Company and it got me thinking about sex.
Noooo get your dirty little mind out the gutter!!
 It was just modelling some of their stockings, but the reason it made me wonder was purely because of how sexy I actually felt !
So that's me in the picture and I have to say I think I look damn fine but there's allot of people that will look at the same picture and will think the opposite and it got me thinking...
Sex sells.
Sex literally sells everything these days.
From the clothes we wear to the things we do to the food we eat.
And to be perfectly honest I'm not a prude, so I really don't have an issue with that, I'm all about the sex.
What I do have an issue with is how the world is being brainwashed into thinking that sexy can only be one body type. You know what I mean .
I'm talking about Ass, Boobs and just no fat anywhere else.
I hate that nowadays we let other people determine how sexy we are . It's crazy because what one person views as sexy another doesn't! It's purely down to personal opinion!!
Now I'm not bringing this subject up for no reason.
It's just that I can honestly say, it was the first time I had ever worn a set of stockings!!! Mainly because I'm not about that chaffing life. ( you know what I'm talking about ) .
I don't know whether it's just been that not many companies cater exclusively for plus sizes like BTC do or if it's because the media tells us that big isn't sexy.

But I can tell you that when I pulled those soft shiny stockings up and clipped on the suspenders I felt ...powerful. I felt so damn sexy it almost forced confidence on me. And I suddenly realised.  I don't need anyone else to tell me I'm sexy I need ME to tell me I'm sexy. Now don't get me wrong it certainly helps if someone else says your beautiful but I've quickly realised one thing.

We are as sexy as we feel not as sexy as we're told.

Other people's opinions about our bodies only have as much power as we give them. We can either listen to the media in the background telling us we're too skinny/fat/tall/short/dark/pale or we can listen to ourselves.

So if you find yourself questioning your sexiness, ask yourself;
Am I doing this because I don't think I'm sexy or am I doing this becuase THEY don't think I am?

Be confident.  Be yourself.  Be happy.  And seriously Just Be... Your Way xxx

Dating While Fat | Lies and Sort of Lies

Elle and I have tonnes of terrible dating stories haha let me know what some of yours are :)

           

Tits Don't Count on a Fat Girl

So I was shown this little nugget of joy the other day and found it so ridiculous and disgusting I had to write an article about it !!

Body confidence has only been a legitimate campaign in recent years, with activists and bloggers paving the way to show that different is still beautiful. Admittedly we have a long way to go before every single person is accepted for who they are, but we've made huge strides since a few years ago.

One thing I have noticed is that most of the body confidence boosts are aimed towards women. Now in allot of ways this does made sense, if only because society and media seems to be particularly critical of the fairer sex. 

However more and more recently I've noticed just how much pressure men are under to have a perfect body. Now I'm sure that this pressure hasn't only just started, but for me personally I've only noticed it in the last few months.

Now. Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining about Charlie Hunnam or Brock O'hurn and all that sexiness, but the problem I've noticed is that boys and men see that and think that kind of body is normal , that having those kind of muscles are normal. And it really isn't . The majority of people aren't 6"7ish with hair like a Greek god and arms like bloody Thor ( that's Brock.... yum), And they shouldn't feel they need to look like that!

Not to say if a man genuinely enjoys working out, wants to get some muscles to boost his self esteem and that is going to make him happy, then he cant do that . I'm talking about the men who are pressured into going to the gym from their friends because they're thin , or forced and shamed into running miles on a treadmill because they're fat. If a guy is skinny or large and perfectly happy with themselves the way they are, then they should be allowed to just be them!!

Telling a man that his abs don't count because he's skinny and didn't get them in the gym is so ludicrous, I don't think I really need to expand on explain how stupid that is to be perfectly honest.

And I truly can't even say the amount of times I've been told that my boobs don't count because I'm fat so they're not real boobs they're just fat. Firstly. I assure you , They're real. Not to mention they were there before I was fat. Secondly boobs are made out of tissue and... you guessed it ... fat!!!

 Its like telling someone that the clothes they're wearing - while nice - don't count because they're not on a model. Or that the new alloys on their car doesn't count because the car isn't new. Its mental!!!

My message is basically this. These kind of memes and jokes are just not funny. They tell people that who they are is not acceptable unless it fits their standards. That who they are and the body they have isn't worth anything unless it was gained a certain way. No- one has any right to have that kind of ownership over another persons body! And even if you don't create these jokes, liking them on Facebook or laughing about them makes you just as bad as the people who did.

So if you have abs but a fat as, or boobs and a big belly or yes abs but no muscle anywhere else on your body; just hold your middle fingers up with pride and give a big fuck you to the haters, because its not your tits that don't count, its their opinions.  If YOU are happy then who cares what they think? Flash your boobs and flash your abs and Just be...Your way xx

Changing The Pressure to Change

 I write often about how unacceptable it is for people to assume they can have an opinion about my body - I try to endorse confidence and loving yourself for who you are.

But I think people feel this is only exclusive for bigger people . That only people who are considered curvier than they should be by societies standards should be encouraged to love themselves. That isn't the case.
Obviously there is still the need to break those stereotypes that society create for us, but more and more recently our plus size beauties are being encouraged to embrace their curves. Actors like; Rebel Wilson and Melissa McCarthy with her own clothing line. Models like Tess Holiday and Ashley Graham  have paved the way for curvier women to feel as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside.
 However,  something I noticed recently made me wonder. Are we leaving some people off the train to self- confidence?
  I know a boy. He's not a friend and I don't know him that well. I do know that he is very thin. And I don't mean the kind of thin that looks like a model ,I mean very very thin. He was told by his new girlfriend that, she didn't really date people that thin normally and it kind of put her off. She then proceeded to encourage him to put on weight to the point where he was eating twice the amount he normally would and of course gaining pounds.

Now don't get me wrong if someone wants to put on or loose weight that is completely their prerogative- if someone is unhealthily thin or fat to the point that medical intervention is necessary then they need all the encouragement they can to get healthy.

My question is how is that scenario any different to a man dating an overweight woman and telling her she was a bit too fat for what he normally finds attractive, to the point when she begins to loose weight to please him.

 I personally don't see one. There is absolutely no difference in those two scenarios. To tell someone that you'll be with them but that they don't fit your usual standard of beauty and then to encourage then to change themselves, to please you, is just fundamentally wrong.

The thing is his girlfriend does like him allot, and does care about him and in her mind she's doing what she thinks is best. And maybe he is unhealthily thin and needs to gain weight. But that isn't the point.

The point is that every single person, no matter what they look like, should feel accepted for who they are. They should feel like they don't have to change themselves for anyone. They should feel beautiful in the body they were born with, or the body they choose to have.

So lets all be determined to encourage every single person we meet, whether they're fat , thin, tall, short or just a different ethnicity to ourselves that they're beautiful they way they are, they're worthy the way they are and that at the end of the day all you really need is to Just Be... Your Way xx

Just A Thought | Is My Boyfreind Ashamed of Me?

Just a Thought for you guys ....xx


                          

Fat Girls Shouldn't Date Skinny Guys

 So Elle and I have been getting down to it with the videos and have started getting a lot of views! We did one recently about my boyfriend and I because the subject matter is something we have both been told ( yea its stupid I know ) ... So share, like , subscribe and let me know what you think !!!



         

When "No" Means "Maybe"

So it turns out that "No" doesn't actually mean "No" any more.
What do you mean Justice?
Well my lovely people I mean that, for some reason that blows my adorable little mind, when a guy says;
"Hey girl, go out with me", and she politely says:
"No thank you I'm not interest ". Instead receiving being a reasonable and respectful;
"Absolutely, I completely understand".
We normally receive something along the lines of '..
"Nah! babe why do you have to be like that? Come on just give me your number. You don't know what you're missing! Don't be a bitch!"

Yes. Apparently these days not being attracted to someone makes you a bitch.

For some unknown reason when you tell a man "NO" In todays society he doesn't hear "NO", he hears; "Convince me" or " I don't really know what I want, I actually want you so badly, if you just ask me a few more times, and start to get angry, and invade my personal space I'll definitely go out with you ."

Now this is an issue I feel particularly passionate about. Because somewhere, somehow, while people were busy chasing Pokémon, 'No' started to be a suggestion and not a command.
I shouldn't have to say no more than once and I shouldn't have to lie and say I have a girlfriend or chlamydia to stop a mans advances.
And you all think I'm making this up ...surprise! This has actually happened .
( I don't, nor have I ever had chlamydia I'd just like to point out )

I promise I'm not just all about the man- hate here!! Oh No! I fully acknowledge that women can be sex hungry animals too. I've heard horrible stories of women accusing men of rape just because they weren't interested. Of stalking them and trying to ruin their lives because they said no. But the point of this post is this,

When did we, as a race of humans, start expecting sex as a 'due'. When did people think that buying you a drink entitled them to your body. When did people start seeing sexual delinquency as just 'growing pains.'

The thing is being fat, and experiencing this kind of treatment is a whole different ball game.
Blonde, gorgeous, size 8, Hannah gets cat-called by a group of 5 builders and complains about it to her friends. They'll ask if she's okay and express their disgust. Black, size 22, Justice get cat-called by the same group of 'badmen' and complains about it, and people think she's making it up or expect her to be grateful.

For some reason if you're bigger people expect you to be flattered- men go from a simple "Hey how are you doing?" to "You're a fat fuck|!" in 5 seconds. Men expect that because they've lowered their standards to speak to you, that you'll jump at the chance to speak to them. The idea that you as a fat person could possibly have higher standards that them insults them to such a degree, offensive or violent behaviour seems like the only option.

And thus brings the second problem.

Because people don't tend to believe that a larger person could possibly be on the receiving end of sexual attention let alone sexual violence, we tend not to report it . We think they wont believe us, that they'll say we're just looking for attention. That they'll say:
"Why would they pick her when they could have anyone?" "How would they even get her thighs open?" "She's a big girl. Couldn't she have fought him off?"
I genuinely know someone who has actually been raped, in every sense of the word and hasn't reported it because she's fat and she didn't think the police would believe her. How is this allowed to happen!?

Its unacceptable. All I want is for "No" to mean "No". For the stupid stereotypes and idiotic assumptions to go and shove themselves. For men ( and women alike ) to be held accountable for their sordid actions ,  and not for a pathetic letter from their mum asking that they not be punished for violating and degrading someone to affect the severity of their punishment ( i.e. the Stanford rapist ).

At the end of the day the only way we can make a change is if every single person is treated as valuable as the next. If children ( boys and girls) are taught that no means no and that no-one has any right over another persons body . If every single person on the planet has some goddamn compassion and shows some fucking humanity.

So my lovely readers share my message, continue trying, be the best person you can and Just Be... Your Way xx

A Momentary Lapse

There are always moments.
They say life are made up of moments.
Confidence is made up of moments.
Whether those moments boost your confidence or destroy it; they're still moments.
I had one.
A moment.
A bad moment.
Someone I know cause it. Now this person isn't my friend. I don't choose to spend my free time with them but I know them all the same. And this person chose to; in that moment use her voice, not for something positive and meaningful and up building. She chose to use it to make a joke about my weight.
Now don't get me wrong this isn't the first time I've had jokes made about me, and we all know it wont be the last.
What bothers me so much about this moment is how much I actually let it get to me.
For one of MY moments I spent my precious time wondering. "does she always think this?" "Does she make jokes to other people?" " Do people join in on these jokes?" "Does everyone think this of me?" " Is everyone going around wondering how I'm going to fit between doors?"

It's only later I realised how stupid that was...
Why was I letting someone who I ignore the best of days get to me?
Why do we allow peoples insignificant opinions get to us?

Of course I can get through bloody doors! And even if I couldn't who gives a shit?
I guess today all I can say is don't let people steal your moments. Don't let stupid peoples opinions take up your time and effort. Don't let offensive rude things waste your time. There are a hell of allot of stupid people in the world. One of them is even running for president!

So take back your moments people!! And Just Be... Your Way xx

Dating While Fat | What Guys Like About Big Girls

 So the dating subject is always going to be a weighted one, So we were thinking about the reasons we've come across for men to want to date us and tadaaaaaaa lo and behold we've made another video!! 



            

A 'Waited' Subject

So I went out for a meal. An amazing meal in fact; and I mean seriously food-gasmic.
As you do.
It was the bank holiday so I decided to spend the day eating ....ohhh yeah I did:) But that isn't the point.
The point is what happened after my food-gasmic meal.

I go to pay; cos I'm just a sweetheart like that. And as I wait for the waiter to split the bill I'm breathing heavily.
Let me explain why.
I have terrible sinuses, I haven't been able to properly breathe through my nose for the last 10 years which means I'm a huge mouth breather. Seriously. People genuinely think I'm asleep because they hear me snoring and they look over and I'm just there with my eyes wide open 0_0 . Awake. But snoring. It's weird.
Annnyyyway... So I'm breathing heavily because like we've established I have terrible sinuses.
The waiter. The hero in this little tale. Decides that my heavy breathing is a problem. For him. 'The waiter' oh so helpfully with a smile on his stupid little face says to me;
"Maybe if you lost weight your breathing wouldn't be so bad"
Right.
And maybe if you wasn't so short your eyesight would be better. Yeah. Sounds stupid doesn't it.

That's because it is stupid. Firstly my breathing and my weight are completely unrelated. Secondly and most importantly who the hell did that rude little bastard think he was!?? What on earth made him feel he had the right to comment on my body at all. Let alone the size of it. I certainly didn't invite the comment. I certainly didn't appreciate it. And I most certainly didn't see a badge saying "Justice' doctor " pinned to his uniform.

Someone I know said to me that they envy bigger people because we have more confidence than skinny people. I'm calling bullshit. Not once has this girl had a random stranger come up to her while she is minding her own business and made a completely inappropriate personal comment about the size of her body. I can assure you it doesn't make me feel confident when it happens. The fact that she even made the comment  shows a complete lack of sensitivity and just how little she knows about the real world.

Now I share this fun little story, not to have a rant ( although it certainly helped) but to make people aware. Today in this judgemental age people feel very comfortable expressing their unwanted opinions about other people's bodies. And for some reason being fat or skinny makes people feel just that little bit ore comfortable saying it. because let me be very clear, this isn't just a blog bemoaning how hard it is being a fatty. Haven't you heard comments like...
"wow you're tiny"
"that can't be healthy"
"yeah well real women have curves..."
"she looks like a boy"
And one that personally I cant stand;
"She must be anorexic"
Because making light of a serious medical conditions is completely okay isn't it?

I find that people are either one or the other.
They either skinny shame or they fat shame.
They either berate the girl who's overweight for eating or the girl who is underweight for not eating. Both are completely unacceptable. The lack of confidence and feelings of low self-worth that accompanies  people's insensitive and uninvited comments about our bodies as women, are not something to be taken lightly or swept under the rug.

People laying claim to low self esteem in a effort to 'fit in' need to stop. People who know good and well they aren't fat but complain they are, all in an effort to have people assure them they aren't, need to stop. People who look at another persons body and use it as a way to compare and feel better about themselves need to stop. The fake 'we're the sae size aren't we?'. It needs to STOP!

As I sit here. Thinking about the friends I have. The new ones and the old. The bigger ones and the smaller ones. I can honestly and 100 percent say that none of them truly feels completely confident with their appearance. That is both sobering and sad. What will it really take for women to feel happy about themselves? To be feel comfortable in who they are as people?

To be perfectly frank I don't have a fucking clue. I genuinely don't. I don't have an answer that will fix everything. All I can say is the only way we will start to feel better about who we are as people is realising that were not actually supposed to be perfect. Ignore the people who say how we should dress and act. Ignore the articles that say what men/women like an how to become it. Ignore the 'role models' that take the faces they were born with as a light suggestion.

At the end of the day, it's going to be a work in progress, and idiots  like 'the waiter' don't help, but all you can do is give all the haters the middle finger and Just Be... Your Way xxx

The Secret Life of Fatties| Part 2

 Annnnnd Part 2 is up!!! Check it out everyone!!




         

Secret Life of Fatties| Pt. 1

So we thought we'd break it down a little bit and be brutally honest. We've noticed that people talk allot about weight. Be they a supporter of the body confidence movement or not. But very few people highlight the very real everyday struggles .....So we did!!!! You're all welcome !!!

     

As always my dears! Just Be...Your Way xxx

Feeling my Femininity

 I didn't forget about you guys!!!! We've been sorting out our videos and I started a new job ( yey!!) but don't worry I'm back!!
So I went to a party. A private party no less.
But it wasn't like just a party and its pretty much taken me over a week to figure out what I actually wanted to say about it.
This party. It had a very specific entry requirement.
You had to be fat.
Oh yes people!
I attended Big Girls Paradise in London last Saturday where you either need to be fat or like fat to attend.
Straight off the bat lets just address the name. I don't think I've ever cringed so hard in my life. Big Girls Paradise just sounds so....cringe! I genuinely can't think of a better word. Why couldn't it be called something generic like; 'The Big little black dress' party? Or just; 'The Basement' or a whole host of any other names other than 'Big Girls Paradise'.

Not to mention!!
It wasn't a damn paradise!! There was genuinely a 10 -1 female to male ratio, and those are not great odds. I struck out. Once, and got passed over. To be honest it pretty much set the tone for the entire night.
From the outset I noticed things that were very different from an every day party, the first was the entrance fee. It was quite sad really. Now this isn't just because I'm broke right now and 15 quid is my weekly food shop. The reason behind the high entrance fee was to discourage people from coming to the party and making fun of the girls there. The fact that they even had to factor this into their planning is just very telling. No one should have to be worried that they're going to be made the butt ( see what I did there?)of someone joke just because they're trying to have fun.

The thing is, its a genuine concern. The party organiser was actually very smart for setting it up. And as someone who has had the piss taken out of her, on more than one occasion, I certainly appreciated it. However no one should have to worry that people are going to come into their party and insult their guests because they  happen to be bigger that other people. Its actually crazy!

But we live in a society that for some reason thinks, if you're over a size 16 you shouldn't be allowed to enjoy yourself. That you shouldn't feel comfortable enough to, you should always be wary of being "that fat drunk girl".

I'll have it be made known I might be a size 20 but I love to dance, and I can move my ass like nobody's business on the dance floor.

So, and here is my thing. I went to this club and I tore it up on the dance floor and genuinely felt amazing. I'd actually forgotten how much I freaking love to dance!! I love it ! Its such a rush! But why in the hell should I feel that the only way to be able to let my hair down is to go to a party aimed at fat girls? Why can't I feel I can do that at just a regular everyday club?

And the answer is simple.

Because I genuinely just don't feel comfortable. As I'm in the queue with all the girls in their skimpy dresses half my size and their sky high heels, and I'm covered from head to toe; because no one needs to be seeing my rolls shake all up close and personal in a club. I just don't feel I belong there. I don't feel like I can just hang my jacket up find me some old school R&B and drop it like its hot. Whereas at the other party I really could. I, for the first time in a very long time, felt completely at ease. I felt confident and sexy, I didn't feel that people were judging me for allowing my ass to bump into them. I could just be me and have fun and not sit at the table tapping my foot and wishing I felt comfortable enough to get up and dance.

One thing I will say. Going to the Big Girls Paradise made my confidence soar. I actually walked up to 3 men and just asked them to dance, without any fear of rejection or any worry his mates were gonna be joking around and making fun of him dancing with the fat girl. It was almost a transcendent experience. I felt alive, desirable and completely in control. The fact that I had to be in a club specifically aimed at fat girls to feel in control of my sexuality is the problem.

Since when did we start allowing society to dictate who we are as women. Or what we should look like to be women. I've never had anyone tell me "Justice you're too fat to be a woman" but I've been telling myself that I can't express my confidence in my womanhood because I'm fat. Society suggests it and we tell it to ourselves over and over again until we think: "Well I better keep my jacket on and just die of heat stroke in case my dress shows my rolls" or even "I want to cut my hair but I'll loose my femininity if I do so ill just leave it ".
The only thing I can say if f@"# these bloody standards! No-one has the damn right to tell me how to express my womanhood. No-one has the right to feel uncomfortable in my own skin because I don't fit their ideal woman. I'm who I bloody well want to be!

So flip off these idiots and tell those bell-ends to shove it. You want to be comfortable in who you are? Go be comfortable. You want to embrace your femininity? Wear that short skirt and get those boobs out! You want to go shake your cellulite on the dance floor you bloody well do it!! All you've got to do is Just Be.. Your Way xx

Dating While Fat | Fetishes Pity Dates and Lying to Our Face

SO we're really getting on top of these videos! and we're getting loads of views !(well, loads to us hehe ).
Check out the latest one !!
          
Feel free to comment with your own experiences!!

Fat Stereotypes| Misconceptions about Being Fat

So guys we've got cracking and our second video is up!!! Let me know what you think!??

              

Leave The Labels on the Clothes

So;

In latest news my lovely blog readers.

It turns out the 'plus size' model chosen as swimsuit rookie of the year for Sports Illustrated, has now been deemed 'too fat' by some of our ever-opinionated public.

I'm going to get straight to the point.

She is neither fat nor 'plus size'.

Now don't get me wrong Ashley Graham is freaking stunning. I would literally sell an ovary to have her body. But I assure you, without a shadow of a doubt, if I wore the swimsuit she's modelling I would not look like her.

I would look like....

Ever seen the Michelin man? Now picture him in a bikini.

Yeah. I'd look a bit like that.

I have cellulite and rolls and dimply skin. I don't have a flat stomach and a perfect hourglass figure.

And this is where I have the problem. I am plus size. I'm very plus size. She isn't. She's just normal.

So while Ashley Graham may be deemed 'plus size' by the modelling world, and this is only my humble opinion, a size 14 IS NOT PLUS SIZE.

And neither is a damn size 12. Why in gods great earth are women who are a perfectly healthy, normal weight being advertised towards with plus size clothes? Why is my tiny petite best friend able to buy clothes that are labelled as 'plus size'?

Now don't get me wrong this isn't about 'us fatties having something for ourselves' this is about the poor size 12 girl who is being told she's fat when she's not. And the size 28 girl who is looking at clothes on a size 14 'plus size model' but can't actually see what the clothes would look like on someone her own size.

The lovely Miss Graham has said in a interview that she doesn't feel a connection to the term 'plus size'; and she shouldn't, because there really isn't anything plus about her. Unless we're talking about her incredible genes. She definitely got an extra helping of those.

I guess what I'm trying to get across is how stupid labels are.

We let society tell us we fit in a certain mould. If you're not top-shop thin then you're plus sized. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being classified as plus sized. As long as you're healthy it doesn't actually matter what size trousers you wear. My problem stems from, if people are calling her fat, a perfectly normal looking woman then what the hell do they think of me? when I'm 3-4 sizes bigger. And while saying don't listen to what people say about you is all so easy to preach, its not actually that easy to follow.

Unfortunately the only advice I can give is to ignore it. If people are determined to label you a certain way, there isn't a whole lot we can do about it.

All I can say is  having an ounce of fat on your body doesn't make you plus size! Good grief!! It just makes you normal.

I can't see how telling people who aren't even overweight in the slightest, that they are categorised as plus size helps anyone.

This is like when men say they like 'curvy' women and you ask 'really? like what' and they name Jenifer Lopez. and all you can think is I look like I ate Jenifer Lopez and then mopped her up with a side of Niki Minaj and a had a tall glass of Beyoncé just to wash it all down with.

Trying to fit people into moulds they don't actually fit into doesn't work. Its stupid and its dumb and that's all I have to say about it.

Nobody has the right to make you fit into any label. Ever. Nobody can dictate where you fit, only you can choose where you belong in society. So just give them a big old screw you and Just Be...Your way xx

First Video!! Why Do Men Hate Fat Girls?

SO, ladies and gentlemen, here we have it!! The first attempt at a video to capture your interest! Its our first go so ignore the bad lighting! haha. This is going to be a weekly chat which I'll put up on here.
I'll be putting up my own videos soon as well, so stay tuned!!

Apropriate apropriation?

My dears! My apologies for missing a post last week! Hopefully this one makes it up to you!!!??

Appropriation.

Oh yeah. I brought out the big guns today !!

I seem to constantly hear about it these days. Kylie Jenner. Iggy Azalea, Amber rose. And more recently the queen of everything Beyoncé. But the list goes on.
These celebrities have all at one point or often repeatedly been accused of appropriation, and to be honest I'm not sure what to think of it.

I feel as a young black woman I'm almost expected to be offended by the sight of a white boy listening to rap, or a white woman with a black man. Or a white woman with a big fake arse.
The thing is I don't actually give a shit.
Now I don't know if that makes me blind or just not overly concerned with things that are not concerning but I think maybe it needs to be discussed.

Don't get me wrong hearing that the Valentino 2016 spring collection was 'Africa-based' (I don't know what exactly that means considering Africa has a whole host of different styles and traditional dress') yet only 8 out of the 87 looks were on actual black girls does make me do a 'what!?' face. However the sight of a white woman with braids doesn't bother me in the slightest. If you check my Instagram you'll see I even cornrowed one of my closest friends entire head. And she's white. And she looked freaking fierce! Even better than me with them!

I will admit to being completely inspired by Beyoncé's latest hit 'Formation', that line " I like my baby hair with baby hair afro's / I like my negro nose with Jackson five nostrils" really resonates. Its only recently I've come to accept my natural hair and even realise my nose is pretty damn great!
Obviously Beyoncé just rules at life anyway but I loved that she was drawing attention to a really pertinent issue, with the Black Lives Matter movement.
As always happens when someone makes a fairly political stand they're met with allot of "if a white person did this then they'd be called racist!". And Beyoncé was no different.

Obviously All lives matter, but there needs to be a Black Lives Matter movement because not everyone believes it!! Everyone already believes that white lives matter. I'm actually at a loss as to why people struggle to understand that. A boy being shot 6 times in the head while unarmed, because of the colour of his skin is bad. Simple as that.

I commented on a article on Facebook and the responses, while mostly in agreement; included one woman stating that "black lives matter should start in the home, teaching right from wrong" and that " if she and I went for the same job interview, and she had a slightly better qualification I would get the job because of the colour of my skin" I'm black. She's white. She's clearly been living under a rock!
I also had a man say that: "no-one take blacks seriously,  [black people] do nothing for society, and that Anglo civilisations "evolved" where the African ones didn't. Yes people. He said we weren't evolved.
Now clearly he's a massive dickhead but I (obviously) find that ridiculously offensive. At the same time I don't feel I have the right to get too offended because my birthmother is white. Half of my family is white and while I don't know pretty much any of them from a random person in the street, who am I to comment when I don't even know what my own flesh and blood thinks? I could easily have cousins or even brothers who share that same opinion. Do I have a right to support the black lives matter movement as a black woman when I'm not fully black?

And this is why body confidence is more than just the size of someone' butt. Because I don't feel confident enough in my own body to actually support an issue I feel strongly about lest society tell me I don't have that right.
And that's actually crazy!! I should be able to support whoever I damn well please. If I want to braid one of my best friends hair I shouldn't have to worry if I'm setting her up to be given grief for it. And if I want to fully support a call to action to stop black people being gunned down in the street for a complexion I have, I should be able to.

My point is essentially this;
Body confidence is synonymous with acceptance.

How can anyone be truly body confident if the way they choose to express themselves is being censored? So no I don't agree with some of the hate people receive for ' appropriating black culture'. I feel that everyone should be able to express themselves in whatever way they choose. But give credit where credits due.

Not to mention does anyone actually check their facts? The Vikings actually braided their hair first, which makes braids both Norse (Norwegian/ Danish) and for men. Sorry ladies.

History lesson aside, my point stands. Body confidence will never happen completely unless people stop telling others what they can and can't be confident about.
My advice is to pretty much ignore the haters.

Wear what you want. Listen to what you want. Speak how you want, Support whoever the hell you damn well want to ( within reason, obviously the people who want to legalise rape shouldn't be supported!). And guys,  Just Be...Your Way xx

One Size Doesn't Fit All

"Oh he's probably into blonde skinny girls anyway"
How many times have we heard this or even said it ourselves?

For some reason if we don't fit a traditional category of beauty, we seem to think that when it comes to dating, its best not to put ourselves out there because they wont be interested anyway.
I myself have had these thoughts on several occasions.
Why in the hell would he want a short, fat, black girl with issues when he could have anyone else?

The thing is that I haven't actually found it at all difficult to date, found it difficult to find decent guys-maybe, but not to actually date. Yet I still struggle to believe that good looking men would be interested in me, even though actual experience has proved otherwise. The question is why? Why do we automatically assume that as a bigger woman, thinner woman, taller woman, darker woman, or just anyone who is different from the social contract of beauty that people wont be interested?

Probably because it seems like they aren't. Maybe you'll be passed over time and again for the people around you, or don't seem to be able to find anyone who actually likes you and not your best friend. The amount of times I've had guys be interested in me and then loose interest as soon as they see my best friend. Guys will be so disgusting that they expect me to set them up. With my best friend. Right. I'll get straight on that.

Unfortunately, and I think perhaps this is why dating is so difficult sometimes, we still have a problem where differences are fetishized. Seen as taboo. So a man will lust after a 'dark skinned beauty' but won't admit to his friends that he likes black girls or will search out BBW pornography but will refuse to give a bigger girl the time of day. And as much as this really sucks some major goat balls, its a sad but true fact. The trick is to weed out the one's who'll see you in private but wont admit to dating you and the ones who'll walk proudly down the street with you on their arm.

I found that Internet Dating was pretty much the easiest way to date ever. You have a picture of you on there, you tell them you're a big girl and exactly what you want and while you have a number of guys convinced  they can change your mind, " because they've never dated a black/fat girl before" ( why this is my problem I have no idea, especially since you know 'date' is code for 'sleep with'. Bitch please!) for the most part if they start up a conversation, you know they find you attractive. And, you know, if they turn out to  be a dick you can just block 'em and ghost their nasty asses.

The thing is not everyone wants to Internet date. And I will admit not everyone on these sites is entirely genuine. But to be perfectly honest if you haven't entered this new phase of dating and are still expecting to meet someone in  a bar, I have no sympathy if you complain you can't find anyone that likes you. If you haven't actually used all the avenues available to you and are then going to sit home and mope about how single you are then this post isn't really for you. All I can say is get over yourself and do something about it. If, on the other hand, you've tried blind dates, Internet dates, set up dates and every type of dating under the sun and have still not found someone? Then the following message is for you....

YOU WILL. DON'T WORRY. TAKE A BREATH. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

There are 7 billion  people on the planet. I can guarantee there is someone out there who likes you. However I can understand how constant disappointments can be disheartening. My advice would be to take a step back, take some time to yourself, most times people come into our lives when were not looking for them. And if someone is showing interest be bold! They wouldn't be speaking to you if they weren't interested.

We need to stop asking ourselves why would this guy/girl be interested in us, and ask ourselves why wouldn't they be. Why the hell wouldn't they be? Just because your beauty is different to others doesn't mean you're not beautiful in your own right. We need to be confident in ourselves, confident that we are worth more than pity dates or 'last resorts'.

So forget putting yourself down because I assure you that in your lifetime enough people will do it for you and Just Be...Your Way xx

Out in the Open

Ever heard of Cards against Harassment? Its a blog created by a woman called Lindsey to counter the street harassment she witnessed and experienced in Minneapolis.

Recently she started a hashtag called #ShirtlessShamers and its freaking brilliant!!!
We are in the age of the Selfie. People have literally died in an attempt to take a perfect selfie. Kim Kardashian made a book of selfies. And sold it.  Everyone does it and nearly everyone shares them. But It's a breeding ground for negative feedback.

Lindsey's twitter highlights the hypocrisy of men shaming women for topless selfies while doing exactly the same thing, Below is one of my personal favourites.

To be honest I think Lindsey's blog and twitter speak for themselves but seriously how ridiculous is this!?
Now while I may never feel the urge to strip down , artfully arrange my boobs in their most flattering light (which just so happens to be completely covered) and snap a photo, the fact that some men can honestly and in all serious shame a woman for the same thing they themselves are doing is ludicrous. What gives them the right to do that!?
The sad thing is we do. As a whole society gives men (and women) this right to judge and shame others. It tells men that it doesn't matter if you get your clothes off because you're a man. It encourages women to tear down and degrade other women. How can we ever be truly body confident if these double standard continue? We can't. Unfortunately I can't tell you how it will end but I can thank Lindsey for making a stand and bringing to light, in such a brilliant way, a massive issue.

So if you want a laugh click on the links and if you want to take a topless selfie go right ahead, screw other people and their double standards and Just Be...Your Way xx











Click here to read the Independent's article about Lindsey's twitter