calling out cat-callers

So a couple of days ago I'd had a long day traveling, I was missing my man so I decide I need a burger.
Nothing glamorous just a good old cheeseburger, I throw on clothes, didn't even bother with a bra, and draped myself with a huge scarf and cape (to hide my bra-less boobs of course)
Not even 1 minute into my journey I see two men walking towards me on the same side of the street. As they approach I instinctively look at my phone and walk faster (probably the most go-to response for most women today).
One of the men as I'm approaching calls out:
"Hey baby, nice body" and proceeds to staaaaare at my chest and ass as I walk past.
I didn't reply, I had a burger that needed my time and attention, but it made me think.
Am I interested in this man? No.
Did I give any indication I wanted his opinion on my body? Nope.
Would he have ever done the same thing had my boyfriend been walking with me? Nope again.
And.
Why the hell did I not give this guy a piece of my mind!?
What he said was inappropriate and uninvited however I did nothing, I just put my head down and hustled off.
Why?
Because I'm used to it.
I have received a stupidly large amount of men's opinions of my body during my lifetime. Starting, as is often the case, with my father, progressing to boys at school and settling to what I receive today, opinions being administered just randomly in the street.
I've had whistles. comments, insults, 'compliments',  been followed,  had my number been demanded from me, even been grabbed.

The problem is for some reason when it happens to a 'big' girl its not seen as offensive as if it happened to a small petite girl. Is this because people feel we can 'handle' ourselves because we're bigger? That no-one is really going to do anything because they could 'easily pick someone better' or perhaps that we should be grateful that someone actually finds us attractive?

Every now and again the subject of cat calling will pop up here or there, usually in relation to some sort of attack where sexual discrimination is prevalent. Most recently the spate of sexual attacks in Germany. But people rarely put any focus on the everyday problems women in general face.
They choose to believe that its just these random acts of sexual violence, placing any blame they can except the way society has moulded boys and men to think they have the right to an opinion on our bodies. In the case of Germany it's refugees, apparently its all the refugees who are sexual deviants, of course it couldn't be that they are just trying to escape a war torn country and be safe.

I even had one idiot actually tell me that ' well you don't see English or European people grabbing girls in the street' EXCUSE ME!!?? Are you mentally deficient!?

More recently there have been a few social media campaigns exposing schools who instead of expecting their young men to have respect and control have imposed ridiculous dress codes. Once again placing the blame on the girl who showed her shoulders rather than on the man who grabbed her ass. We need more campaigns like this to bring to light the unfairness of it all.

What I don't understand is why we are supposed to be flattered? Why should I be flattered that a man I don't know decided to call out that he liked my 'fat ass' and could show me how a 'real man handles a big woman'. And I definitely don't understand why I especially should be flattered. Did I somehow give the impression that because of my size I was specifically needing this mans 'compliment'.

If a woman is not seen as classically beautiful by todays standards, and that's not just referring to size, height, skin colour, ethnicity, style of dress, anything that is slightly different, we are expected to feel grateful that someone actually found us attractive enough to comment on it.

I'm calling bullshit.

Men need to stop. As a woman our worth is not based on the opinion of a man in the street. To all my readers both men and women its quite clear something needs to change. I guess the question is when. With all the movements and media campaigns I'm sure we're all hoping its very very soon.

So if you have personal experience with cat-calling or even just any experience with sexual discrimination, just know you don't have to be flattered you don't have to accept 'boys will be boys' or 'men just can't control themselves', my advice would be to give everyone who says it a big old screw-you and Just Be...Your Way xxx

A little help in how to shut down catcallers courtesy of Buzzfeed!!

New Years Big Idea

New Years' Resolutions. You know what I'm talking about. That eagerly spouted lie we tell ourselves and other people, in the desperate hope that one of us will believe it and suddenly decide to make a change that results in riches, fame and often times love.

One statistic I saw said that only 8 percent of people keep their new years resolutions, which would suggest that most of us will be broke, unknown and alone by the end of 2016.

And fat. Most of us will be fat.

Because as you know one of the most common resolutions involves loosing weight, getting fit or becoming more healthy. As if the change in year will miraculously result in all that motivation you failed to muster have for the previous 12 months.

I'm sure you can tell from this post already, I don't put much stock in new years resolutions. Why you might ask?

Because if I wasn't willing to finish a 15 hour shift, go home, get into some unflattering exercise clothes and then sweat my bodyweight in sweat for 2 hours running on a blooming death machine (A.K.A treadmill) for the last 365 days, what about January the first is going to make a difference? What on Earth is so magical about the new year?
What's more likely to happen is you wake up from that massive hangover you acquired the night before, peel the kebab wrapping off of your face and curse your friends for forcing you to have 'fun', then abandoning you in the toilets of McDonald's.

Now don't get me wrong I, of course, do see the value of resolutions, they can oftentimes give us just that extra little bit of motivation we need.
I just don't see any value in specifying them for new years. I think people are often pressured into them, you're constantly being bombarded with 'the question'
"What's your resolution for the new year?"
Its almost as if you have no ambition for yourself if you don't.

Obviously that a bunch of horse crap.

Here's my advice.

Don't bother. Leave the New Years resolutions for the baby vegans and fledgling cross fitters . Instead wait until February 16th to begin your resolutions to get fit and loose weight.

Why? Because that way you can indulge yourself by buying all that on sale valentines day chocolate and eating it alone with pizza and a whole bottle of wine. THEN make those resolutions and do your thing!!!

You're welcome. So happy New Years everyone and Just Be...Your way xxx

An Open WIde Question

With the holiday season upon us, we're all travelling. Going on holidays and to parties where public transport is necessary. Planes. Trains. Busses. Taxis. We need them all. Now you're wondering why I'm even bringing this up. Public transport brings to light a seemingly small but pertinent issue. Fat people. Fat People and public transport specifically.

You know what makes me laugh?  Peoples reactions. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not denying that there are cases where severe obesity has caused an issue in public transport. However. for your everyday regular chubby chick or frumpy friend, using a bus or train really isn't a big deal.

I'm a size 22 and I don't drive so I rely heavily (haha heavily. get it?) on public transport. While my ass is most definitely large it certainly doesn't take up two seats on a plane or spill over onto my fellow passengers. But I do experience the sidelong glances or under-breath grumblings when I'm squeezing myself through the 6 inch gap to get off the bus or my arm brushes juuuuust slightly the person next to me (who I might add freaking chose to sit by me!!!!).

What I'd like to know is why? I could count on one hand the amount of people I know that can successfully squeeze themselves through a packed bus without touching anyone. But It's still seen as acceptable to roll your eyes at the fact my boobs brushed you on the way past.

Guess what sweetheart? I have big boobs! I can hardly get through any gap without them brushing something.

And that side-shuffle!! That shuffle someone does when you sit next to them and there isn't a clear foot of space between you both. My fat isn't going to infect you! I'm not going to suffocate you with the space I take up in air.

There will always be this sort of reaction with regards to public transport I guess the real question is; is it warranted?

Is it actually a reasonable concern for the general public to be worried about this issue? Should Airlines be forcing obese customers to be buying two seats? Or alternatively, should they provide larger chairs for their larger customers? Does this encourage obesity? Or are they simply catering to their customers? Is it fair for a severely overweight person to take up two chairs on a bus while someone who could potentially need it remains standing.

These questions could only be described as ethical issues. I personally don't know the answer. As a woman of the larger persuasion, would I rather have bigger chairs that don't cut off the circulation to one of my legs on an aeroplane? Yes. Do I expect it just because I would rather eat a burger than celery? No I don't.

All I can do is leave these questions for everyone to think about and would welcome any and all responses!!! So Enjoy your new year and Just Be...Your way xx

Skin Deep Discussions

My boyfriend was taking some pictures of me the other day for my Instagram.

As is often the case, I wasn’t happy with the way the photos  seemed to make my double chin look like I’d swallowed an entire bag or marshmallows, and was hoarding them in my cheeks and jawline in case of an apocalypse.
Obviously I sent him up a step to retake them from a higher angle, and voila! A jawline!
After many assurances that he thought I looked great in all the pictures, he asked: why. if I’m trying to promote body confidence, I would be hiding my ‘imperfections’.

And I realised.

As much as the question itself is really dumb, he wasn’t asking from maliciousness. I know he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful.
However he, like much of the world have been sucked into this Ideology that if you want to promote self-confidence you have to promote the bits about yourself you don’t like.  It suggests a concept where we have to almost prove we really are confident by portraying ourselves in a bad light.

Obviously that's one of the stupidest things anyone has ever heard. But the fact of the matter is, it seems to be a common idea.

It doesn’t even just apply to size. This isn’t just a rant about how hard it is for plus size women to take a good picture without being criticized. Body confidence isn’t just about how much you weigh or the number on the label of your clothes.  I want to make it clear that this isn't just a plus size blog, it's a body confidence blog, which means I address anything and everything that makes people feel less confident about themselves.

One huge huge thing is skin. It's something we all have, however its easy to feel insecure in a society that preaches 'clear skin equals beauty'. You don't see Meredith Grey worrying about her acne scars do you? I can't actually remember the last time I saw Kim Kardashians clear make-up free face. On the other hand when a celebrity dares to go out without perfectly contoured cheek bones there's tonnes of speculations about whether they are sick or on drugs!

I recently saw a video made by the blogger from My Pale Skin, in her video she addresses comments made about how she looked without make up by putting on a full face of makeup. What I found amazing and completely disgusting is how horrid the comments were to her natural face. Words like ‘ugly’ ‘disgusting’ and ‘horrible’ were used.

However, and this is my point, once she had the make up on it wasn’t all compliments and chocolate. She was then criticised for wearing too much make up!! She was called ‘false’ ‘misleading’ .

 The question is; can we ever win? Portraying ourselves in the best light either makes us fake and misleading and not really body confident because we're not being truthful about ourselves. Or it makes us deluded, as if were lying to ourselves about what we actually look like.

Both of those opinions are absolute bollocks. Thing is Until Society itself changes its unrealistic ideas about beauty there will always be problems. Until Disney, Barbie and a whole host of media outlets stop telling our little girls and boys that if you don't look like a fairy tale princess, you are ugly, people will continue to grow up with these insecurities

All I can suggest is in the words of Kevin hart is " Do You Boo-Boo. And I'ma do me."  And remember to Just Be... Your Way xxx

Motivation,Shmotivation

Body Confidence is a relative concept. What it takes to make me confident in myself may not necessarily be the same for you, and vise-versa. As such, I can't tell you how to love yourself (if only it was that easy!!) I can only make suggestions. One avenue people use in the gym ( aka Satan's playground). The problem for many is actually getting to there. And here we have it, that word we have thrown at us from our most informative years: Motivation.

One of the hardest things about losing weight/getting healthy is motivation. I have never been motivated to lose weight before in my life! I’d diet for maybe two days and the lure of pizza would become too strong. Next thing I know I have a food baby and I’m suffering the effects of eating the entire pie of Pizzary goodness in 30 minutes.

Today I weighed myself for the first time in a little while to discover I’d lost an entire stone. How? I haven’t exercised in weeks and had MacDonald’s yesterday. I’m not entirely sure. But it does prove one thing.  Basic changes make a huge difference, all I did was substitute my normal take away meals for huge salads, cut chocolate back to maybe twice a week, substituted crisps for plantain chips and popcorn and drank allot of water. I exercised a few times a week but didn’t go crazy. I still ate Mac Donald’s and pizza every now and again and couldn’t stop drinking juice!

But guess what? It freaking worked!! 14 lbs gone!! Can you tell? Not even a little bit. But guess what? I don’t care! I don’t care if I still wear the same size, or if no one has noticed I’ve lost weight. I did it! I accomplished something I’d never been able to do and if there was any indication that living a healthier lifestyle was good then this would be it!

So here is my advice for my friends struggling to motivate themselves:

Don’t sweat it! Your motivation will come from yourself, don’t let anyone pressure you to lose weight, don’t do it for a man, don’t do it for Society's opinions of you or your friends, do it for you.

Alternatively; you could just not blooming bother! Screw the gym. Forget being sweaty and in pain. Do you even realize how much my ass hurts right now? Enjoy your burrito! Have fun with Ben and Jerry! Laugh at those 'real' gymers who get up at stupid-o'clock while you're in the arms of the angels in bed. Who cares!? As long as you’re happy with yourself does it really matter what anyone else thinks!?

NO. It doesn’t.

Society and the media would have us all believe that how many likes we get on a picture, or how many compliments we received, or whether you can fit in a size 4 is what matters. It conditions us to believe that beauty is based on certain checklists: Tall. Check. Size zero. Check. etc.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. It’s a bunch of horse-crap.

Other peoples’ opinions of you don’t matter. They don’t freaking know you! My advice is to give them this face:

And calmly move on with your life. I don't think Kevin could have expressed it better personally.

         At the end of the day people always feel its okay to give their opinions about things that have nothing to do with them but just remember, in then end, the only opinion about you that matters, is your own. 

So exercise or don’t bother: Just Be….Your way xx

Healing with Humor: The skinny 'fat' friend

For all of my fuller figured friends I’m sure you know the horror of shopping with your girlfriend who thinks she’s fat but is actually as skinny as stick-insect on crack.

When they say; “Oh god! I have got to lose weight!” and you’re thinking, “Giiiiirl if you lose any more of that ass you’re going to be sitting directly on your spine”.

Her comments about her own appearance always leads us to the question; If she thinks she’s this ginormous monster then what the hell does she think of me with my cottage cheese thighs and cake tops? (Not muffin tops because that sounds cute. Cake. Because there is nothing remotely cute about trying to dress cake-tops).

Then she’ll turn around and say; "you look really hot!!" And "wow you look amazing!". And you think…. Well if you think you look horrible then what do you really think of me? 

We’ve all had it. My advice?? Don’t freaking shop with them. Simple as. Or you could sit this friend down discuss their obvious self-image issues and point out that when they call themselves hideous around us when we weigh about 7 more stone than they do we feel like absolute shit.

Don’t ever judge your own beauty and worth based on someone else. How they see themselves has nothing at all to do with you. The only thing that matters is how you see yourself. Understandably its so easy to say, but so hard to do were constantly bombarded with images of how we should look and what we should aspire to. If they have allowed themselves to be led like sheep down a dangerous path of discontentment, let them. Be strong. Make up your own mind and accept whoever you are and Just be... Your way xxx

Healing with Humor: The over-sized enthusiast

Every now and again we experience one of those moments which are so shocking all you can do is that nervous-horrified laughter. Only thing is, its just not funny. Often times these moments come from the people closest to us.

 It's a well known fact that unfortunately friends and family feel they have the right to say hurtful offensive things often under the guise of 'helping' us, I couldn't tell you why they do, but I have tons of stories about people being 'helpful'. 

I've personally found humor to be a great way to remember things that have happened.

From time to time I'll break out one of my own personal experiences, if only to show you all that you're not alone. I'll call them 'Healing with humor'. Here is the first one.

Why. Just Why do ‘kindly’ relatives buy clothes for you 3 sizes too big. Then, when it (surprise surprise) doesn’t fit, they tell you;

“Well if it doesn’t fit now, you’ll just grow into it”

That statement is fine if you’re 8 and the likelihood is you’re going to put on a foot in height, grow boobs and suddenly find you have an ass. In that instance, you more than likely WILL grow into it.

BUT….

When you’re 18 on the other hand, you stopped growing at 14, your boobs aren’t getting any bigger because they’re already big enough and you found that ass and a bit more you didn’t need; Being told you’ll “grow into it” is just insulting.

Like all my stories this actually happened.

So we have me. 18. Not growing any time soon (see above). And my not so kindly step-mother turns up with a present for yours truly. What can it be?! A lovely dress? As I take out this garishly shiny silver dress (why do people think….”oh she’s fat, let’s make this size dress in a disgusting fabric! She’ll love that!) I think… I’m hot. I’m sure I can pull this off; it was nice of her to get it for me, just be grateful. Etc., etc.

 I take a little look-see at the tag and see that it was in a size 26. This wouldn’t have been a problem at all. If I was a size 26, except I wasn’t I was a size 18. Admittedly my ass is 10 inches bigger than my boobs and 22 inches bigger than my waist (gloriously disproportioned I know!). But there is no way my ass at the time was a size 26. I freeze. And think: maybe she didn’t notice that it’s waaay too big and gingerly try it on.

 Obviously it just gaped everywhere. My boobs didn’t even touch the front of the dress (and the girls definitely aren’t small so that’s a feat in itself). I had so much extra fabric around my waist I could have been pregnant and you wouldn’t have noticed. And my ass, my very large ass, which normally announces itself in spectacular fashion in any item of clothing I wear, was nowhere to be seen.

I show my step mum the dress-that-ate-me and she just looks at it and says;

“It’s a little big, but you wouldn’t want it to cling to your fat anyway and you’ll grow into it”

LITTLE BIG??!! It’s EATING me woman!! CLING TO MY FAT?? Don’t look at my fat. My fat is none of your business! In fact go deal with your own fat! And guess what?? I STILL haven’t bloody grown into it!!

Whether someone is being intentionally rude (see story above), or literally just being an idiot don’t take it to heart. Don’t suddenly start to think. Wait. Do I look 3 sizes bigger than I am? What you think about yourself is the most important thing about what you look like. The most important thing is to be happy and content with you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a size 8 or a size 28; don’t let anyone ever make you feel uncomfortable with the way you look. And if they do just tell them to go screw themselves and just be ..your way xxx