One Size Doesn't Fit All

"Oh he's probably into blonde skinny girls anyway"
How many times have we heard this or even said it ourselves?

For some reason if we don't fit a traditional category of beauty, we seem to think that when it comes to dating, its best not to put ourselves out there because they wont be interested anyway.
I myself have had these thoughts on several occasions.
Why in the hell would he want a short, fat, black girl with issues when he could have anyone else?

The thing is that I haven't actually found it at all difficult to date, found it difficult to find decent guys-maybe, but not to actually date. Yet I still struggle to believe that good looking men would be interested in me, even though actual experience has proved otherwise. The question is why? Why do we automatically assume that as a bigger woman, thinner woman, taller woman, darker woman, or just anyone who is different from the social contract of beauty that people wont be interested?

Probably because it seems like they aren't. Maybe you'll be passed over time and again for the people around you, or don't seem to be able to find anyone who actually likes you and not your best friend. The amount of times I've had guys be interested in me and then loose interest as soon as they see my best friend. Guys will be so disgusting that they expect me to set them up. With my best friend. Right. I'll get straight on that.

Unfortunately, and I think perhaps this is why dating is so difficult sometimes, we still have a problem where differences are fetishized. Seen as taboo. So a man will lust after a 'dark skinned beauty' but won't admit to his friends that he likes black girls or will search out BBW pornography but will refuse to give a bigger girl the time of day. And as much as this really sucks some major goat balls, its a sad but true fact. The trick is to weed out the one's who'll see you in private but wont admit to dating you and the ones who'll walk proudly down the street with you on their arm.

I found that Internet Dating was pretty much the easiest way to date ever. You have a picture of you on there, you tell them you're a big girl and exactly what you want and while you have a number of guys convinced  they can change your mind, " because they've never dated a black/fat girl before" ( why this is my problem I have no idea, especially since you know 'date' is code for 'sleep with'. Bitch please!) for the most part if they start up a conversation, you know they find you attractive. And, you know, if they turn out to  be a dick you can just block 'em and ghost their nasty asses.

The thing is not everyone wants to Internet date. And I will admit not everyone on these sites is entirely genuine. But to be perfectly honest if you haven't entered this new phase of dating and are still expecting to meet someone in  a bar, I have no sympathy if you complain you can't find anyone that likes you. If you haven't actually used all the avenues available to you and are then going to sit home and mope about how single you are then this post isn't really for you. All I can say is get over yourself and do something about it. If, on the other hand, you've tried blind dates, Internet dates, set up dates and every type of dating under the sun and have still not found someone? Then the following message is for you....

YOU WILL. DON'T WORRY. TAKE A BREATH. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

There are 7 billion  people on the planet. I can guarantee there is someone out there who likes you. However I can understand how constant disappointments can be disheartening. My advice would be to take a step back, take some time to yourself, most times people come into our lives when were not looking for them. And if someone is showing interest be bold! They wouldn't be speaking to you if they weren't interested.

We need to stop asking ourselves why would this guy/girl be interested in us, and ask ourselves why wouldn't they be. Why the hell wouldn't they be? Just because your beauty is different to others doesn't mean you're not beautiful in your own right. We need to be confident in ourselves, confident that we are worth more than pity dates or 'last resorts'.

So forget putting yourself down because I assure you that in your lifetime enough people will do it for you and Just Be...Your Way xx