An Open WIde Question

With the holiday season upon us, we're all travelling. Going on holidays and to parties where public transport is necessary. Planes. Trains. Busses. Taxis. We need them all. Now you're wondering why I'm even bringing this up. Public transport brings to light a seemingly small but pertinent issue. Fat people. Fat People and public transport specifically.

You know what makes me laugh?  Peoples reactions. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not denying that there are cases where severe obesity has caused an issue in public transport. However. for your everyday regular chubby chick or frumpy friend, using a bus or train really isn't a big deal.

I'm a size 22 and I don't drive so I rely heavily (haha heavily. get it?) on public transport. While my ass is most definitely large it certainly doesn't take up two seats on a plane or spill over onto my fellow passengers. But I do experience the sidelong glances or under-breath grumblings when I'm squeezing myself through the 6 inch gap to get off the bus or my arm brushes juuuuust slightly the person next to me (who I might add freaking chose to sit by me!!!!).

What I'd like to know is why? I could count on one hand the amount of people I know that can successfully squeeze themselves through a packed bus without touching anyone. But It's still seen as acceptable to roll your eyes at the fact my boobs brushed you on the way past.

Guess what sweetheart? I have big boobs! I can hardly get through any gap without them brushing something.

And that side-shuffle!! That shuffle someone does when you sit next to them and there isn't a clear foot of space between you both. My fat isn't going to infect you! I'm not going to suffocate you with the space I take up in air.

There will always be this sort of reaction with regards to public transport I guess the real question is; is it warranted?

Is it actually a reasonable concern for the general public to be worried about this issue? Should Airlines be forcing obese customers to be buying two seats? Or alternatively, should they provide larger chairs for their larger customers? Does this encourage obesity? Or are they simply catering to their customers? Is it fair for a severely overweight person to take up two chairs on a bus while someone who could potentially need it remains standing.

These questions could only be described as ethical issues. I personally don't know the answer. As a woman of the larger persuasion, would I rather have bigger chairs that don't cut off the circulation to one of my legs on an aeroplane? Yes. Do I expect it just because I would rather eat a burger than celery? No I don't.

All I can do is leave these questions for everyone to think about and would welcome any and all responses!!! So Enjoy your new year and Just Be...Your way xx

Skin Deep Discussions

My boyfriend was taking some pictures of me the other day for my Instagram.

As is often the case, I wasn’t happy with the way the photos  seemed to make my double chin look like I’d swallowed an entire bag or marshmallows, and was hoarding them in my cheeks and jawline in case of an apocalypse.
Obviously I sent him up a step to retake them from a higher angle, and voila! A jawline!
After many assurances that he thought I looked great in all the pictures, he asked: why. if I’m trying to promote body confidence, I would be hiding my ‘imperfections’.

And I realised.

As much as the question itself is really dumb, he wasn’t asking from maliciousness. I know he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful.
However he, like much of the world have been sucked into this Ideology that if you want to promote self-confidence you have to promote the bits about yourself you don’t like.  It suggests a concept where we have to almost prove we really are confident by portraying ourselves in a bad light.

Obviously that's one of the stupidest things anyone has ever heard. But the fact of the matter is, it seems to be a common idea.

It doesn’t even just apply to size. This isn’t just a rant about how hard it is for plus size women to take a good picture without being criticized. Body confidence isn’t just about how much you weigh or the number on the label of your clothes.  I want to make it clear that this isn't just a plus size blog, it's a body confidence blog, which means I address anything and everything that makes people feel less confident about themselves.

One huge huge thing is skin. It's something we all have, however its easy to feel insecure in a society that preaches 'clear skin equals beauty'. You don't see Meredith Grey worrying about her acne scars do you? I can't actually remember the last time I saw Kim Kardashians clear make-up free face. On the other hand when a celebrity dares to go out without perfectly contoured cheek bones there's tonnes of speculations about whether they are sick or on drugs!

I recently saw a video made by the blogger from My Pale Skin, in her video she addresses comments made about how she looked without make up by putting on a full face of makeup. What I found amazing and completely disgusting is how horrid the comments were to her natural face. Words like ‘ugly’ ‘disgusting’ and ‘horrible’ were used.

However, and this is my point, once she had the make up on it wasn’t all compliments and chocolate. She was then criticised for wearing too much make up!! She was called ‘false’ ‘misleading’ .

 The question is; can we ever win? Portraying ourselves in the best light either makes us fake and misleading and not really body confident because we're not being truthful about ourselves. Or it makes us deluded, as if were lying to ourselves about what we actually look like.

Both of those opinions are absolute bollocks. Thing is Until Society itself changes its unrealistic ideas about beauty there will always be problems. Until Disney, Barbie and a whole host of media outlets stop telling our little girls and boys that if you don't look like a fairy tale princess, you are ugly, people will continue to grow up with these insecurities

All I can suggest is in the words of Kevin hart is " Do You Boo-Boo. And I'ma do me."  And remember to Just Be... Your Way xxx

Motivation,Shmotivation

Body Confidence is a relative concept. What it takes to make me confident in myself may not necessarily be the same for you, and vise-versa. As such, I can't tell you how to love yourself (if only it was that easy!!) I can only make suggestions. One avenue people use in the gym ( aka Satan's playground). The problem for many is actually getting to there. And here we have it, that word we have thrown at us from our most informative years: Motivation.

One of the hardest things about losing weight/getting healthy is motivation. I have never been motivated to lose weight before in my life! I’d diet for maybe two days and the lure of pizza would become too strong. Next thing I know I have a food baby and I’m suffering the effects of eating the entire pie of Pizzary goodness in 30 minutes.

Today I weighed myself for the first time in a little while to discover I’d lost an entire stone. How? I haven’t exercised in weeks and had MacDonald’s yesterday. I’m not entirely sure. But it does prove one thing.  Basic changes make a huge difference, all I did was substitute my normal take away meals for huge salads, cut chocolate back to maybe twice a week, substituted crisps for plantain chips and popcorn and drank allot of water. I exercised a few times a week but didn’t go crazy. I still ate Mac Donald’s and pizza every now and again and couldn’t stop drinking juice!

But guess what? It freaking worked!! 14 lbs gone!! Can you tell? Not even a little bit. But guess what? I don’t care! I don’t care if I still wear the same size, or if no one has noticed I’ve lost weight. I did it! I accomplished something I’d never been able to do and if there was any indication that living a healthier lifestyle was good then this would be it!

So here is my advice for my friends struggling to motivate themselves:

Don’t sweat it! Your motivation will come from yourself, don’t let anyone pressure you to lose weight, don’t do it for a man, don’t do it for Society's opinions of you or your friends, do it for you.

Alternatively; you could just not blooming bother! Screw the gym. Forget being sweaty and in pain. Do you even realize how much my ass hurts right now? Enjoy your burrito! Have fun with Ben and Jerry! Laugh at those 'real' gymers who get up at stupid-o'clock while you're in the arms of the angels in bed. Who cares!? As long as you’re happy with yourself does it really matter what anyone else thinks!?

NO. It doesn’t.

Society and the media would have us all believe that how many likes we get on a picture, or how many compliments we received, or whether you can fit in a size 4 is what matters. It conditions us to believe that beauty is based on certain checklists: Tall. Check. Size zero. Check. etc.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. It’s a bunch of horse-crap.

Other peoples’ opinions of you don’t matter. They don’t freaking know you! My advice is to give them this face:

And calmly move on with your life. I don't think Kevin could have expressed it better personally.

         At the end of the day people always feel its okay to give their opinions about things that have nothing to do with them but just remember, in then end, the only opinion about you that matters, is your own. 

So exercise or don’t bother: Just Be….Your way xx

Healing with Humor: The skinny 'fat' friend

For all of my fuller figured friends I’m sure you know the horror of shopping with your girlfriend who thinks she’s fat but is actually as skinny as stick-insect on crack.

When they say; “Oh god! I have got to lose weight!” and you’re thinking, “Giiiiirl if you lose any more of that ass you’re going to be sitting directly on your spine”.

Her comments about her own appearance always leads us to the question; If she thinks she’s this ginormous monster then what the hell does she think of me with my cottage cheese thighs and cake tops? (Not muffin tops because that sounds cute. Cake. Because there is nothing remotely cute about trying to dress cake-tops).

Then she’ll turn around and say; "you look really hot!!" And "wow you look amazing!". And you think…. Well if you think you look horrible then what do you really think of me? 

We’ve all had it. My advice?? Don’t freaking shop with them. Simple as. Or you could sit this friend down discuss their obvious self-image issues and point out that when they call themselves hideous around us when we weigh about 7 more stone than they do we feel like absolute shit.

Don’t ever judge your own beauty and worth based on someone else. How they see themselves has nothing at all to do with you. The only thing that matters is how you see yourself. Understandably its so easy to say, but so hard to do were constantly bombarded with images of how we should look and what we should aspire to. If they have allowed themselves to be led like sheep down a dangerous path of discontentment, let them. Be strong. Make up your own mind and accept whoever you are and Just be... Your way xxx

Shaming the 'Fat-Shamer's'

"It's really not glandular, it's your gluttony...We object to the enormous amount of food resources you consume while half the world starves. 

We disapprove of your wasting NHS money to treat your selfish greed.

 And we do not understand why you fail to grasp that by eating less you will be better off, slimmer, happy and find a partner who is not a perverted chubby-lover, or even find a partner at all.

We also object that the beautiful pig is used as an insult. You are not a pig. You are a fat, ugly human."

Imagine you're minding your own business. On the way to work, meeting a friend or running errands. And some random person you've never seen before in your life approaches you and give you one of these: 

On the back is the above statement.

 What sort of reaction would you give? How would you react knowing there is an actual organisation ( Overweight haters ltd, not a very catchy name I would point out, surely they could have come up with something more original?! They're likely too busy being alone and unhappy) going out on the London tube and giving anyone they don't deem as good enough one of these cards. 

Now I have a problem with these cards because they are just incorrect. Personally I don't eat allot as I work nights and don't have the bloody time to eat, I only use the NHS when I'm about to die, and I'm very happy with my non-chubby lover boyfriend. ( He's a lover of Justice ....haha...get it? lover of....never mind) I also damn well better not be a pig because well you know....bacon...yum.

The question is: how do you get through to people that this sort of body shamming is bullying? That it should be met with the same sort of outrage that's given to people bullied about other things: religion, skin colour, financial status. That by not stopping this sort of thing from happening , we're telling our children that its okay to single out and insult anyone who is different.

 You know who else used to single people out because they didn't approve of their appearance? Hitler!!! Guess how that turned out?

Its a well known, and sadly indisputable, fact that people feel entirely too comfortable making offensive and inappropriate comments about peoples appearance; particularly their weight. Its considered 'helping', 'positive criticism' or 'tough love' . 

It's not.

Don't let society fool you. There is absolutely no 'up-side' to this sort of brutal and vicious attack. It will not solve the obesity problem of the world. It will not 'motivate' anyone to lose weight. It will tear people down: Their confidence, their self assurance, their self reliance, it will damage their ability to love others, because if you can't love yourself, can you truly love someone else?

It will tear you down if you allow it.

DON'T.

This is one example of people trying to hold you back. These people have created limits to you as a person. Ignore them. Who gives one flying shit if these tossers don't like the size of your ass? Who cares if one group of people, with their one shared brain-cell, come up with a wildly unimaginative name and pass out cards on the tube. Don't allow people's opinions to be the reason you don't allow yourself to eat in public or never say you're hungry ( because as if someone our size could be hungry!?). The only way these people will win is if we let them.

 So my friends let us give these 'Overweight Haters ltd' a good old f@#! you and  just be...your way xxx